I’m not going to wait. I’m going to take it.

Last week I joined a discussion with a group of executive women.  The topics ranged from global environmental issues to policy changes to support the new work environment.  One topic that came up hit a chord with me—and the ensuing conversation got me thinking.  It centered around a question that was posed, asking the group how they would address an instance where a person or group mistakenly gives the credit for something you’ve done or said, to someone else. 

As the discussion ensued, women offered both examples of their own experiences as well as their thoughts on how to address it.  Examples included:

• An idea you raised during a board meeting is not acknowledged and/or dismissed.  However, the same idea is raised by a male colleague later in the meeting and is given attention and credited solely to your colleague.

• A specific work or accomplishment of yours is mistakenly or otherwise credited to someone else.

• Someone intentionally takes credit for something you did. 

There were interesting courses as well, including the idea that it’s more powerful to have an ally make the correction on your behalf.  I chimed in and asked—or rather challenged—what prevents us from making the correction ourselves? 

That’s certainly an option, came the response, but it’s complicated.  And to be fair, it is.  As the conversation went on, I started to reminisce. 

I was brought back to an experience I had in Corporate America.  I had just had to decline what I viewed at the time as my dream job because I wasn’t able to make the logistics work—it was based on one coast and I wasn’t able to relocate from the other.  The hiring manager suggested I join a volunteer regional council where I’d be able to contribute and do the work that I loved despite not being able to move forward with the job.  That was a wonderful consolation and I shared the good news with a colleague.  He said that he thought that the council opportunity should go to him as he was more senior than me.  I’ll be honest, I was gracious, but I completely dismissed his comments as my pedigree in this particular area was inarguable. 

And then I ‘waited’ to be contacted.

You may have guessed by now where this story is going.  I wasn’t contacted and soon my colleague was giddily announcing his appointment to this regional council.

My position.

I was furious. 

I stayed furious for weeks—which isn’t me.  I’m the eternal optimist, failure is not an option, ‘doesn’t-every-conversation-start-with-a-no?’ kind of girl.  In other words, I’m not easily flustered, and at the professional level, I always simply assume I’ll get what I want eventually. 

Not this time though.  And I couldn’t get over it. 

Then one February afternoon—it was Super Bowl Sunday—Serena Williams caught my attention on the television.  Yeah, THAT Serena Williams.  It was actually a Bumble commercial which, for those of you that don’t know, is a dating app.  Now, it wasn’t the dating app that had caught my attention if you’re wondering (chuckle)—it was Serena.

‘The world tells you to wait’, she was saying in the background as the screen showed her in slow motion bouncing a tennis ball casually on the court.  ‘…but if I waited to be invited in, I never would have stood out…’ she went on as the screen showed her spike a serve to some doomed opponent.    

‘So make the first move,’ she said.  ‘Don’t wait to be told your place.’

‘Take it.’

She was talking to me I realized as I stood staring at the television.  ‘And most of all,’ she said, ‘don’t wait to be given power.’  The voiceover stopped and she looked right at me and said, ‘You already have it.’

I stood there in stunned silence. 

I had actually for once NOT been thinking about my colleague and my unsubsiding anger.  But when I heard Serena say that, I was immediately drawn back to that moment and the events leading up to it.  Only now, instead of anger, I was thoughtful.  About what Serena had said. 

‘I have power,’ I said out loud—to which my husband looked up and said, ‘Huh?’

I’ve always had power.  I realized. 

And as I thought about it, I had to admit Serena was right—it was me who had waited. It was me who didn’t reach out and take what I wanted—heck, I had already received the invitation!  This council role, I finally admitted to myself, was mine to give away.  I had LET my colleague take it.   

He did exactly what Serena just told me to do—he didn’t wait.  He reached out for what he wanted, and he took it.   

As I came back to reality and this group of women, the discussion had already moved on to the next topic.  I couldn’t help but continue to reflect on how my experience applied here.  I mean, it’s complicated as they had said.  Women have a ‘narrow ideal’ within which to act in order that they fit into the ‘prototype’ of what the workplace says it takes to be a successful leader and still remain LIKEABLE.  Women of color in particular are quick to be labeled ‘aggressive’ or ‘bitchy’ if they are seen to be TOO assertive.     

But I started thinking—as Serena’s voice continued to ring in my head.  Does it matter if someone mistakes my assertiveness for being ‘aggressive’ or ‘bitchy’?  And who is it anyway that feels that way—do I care?  Do they have an influence on my career?  That last one is an important question to be sure, but frankly if the answer is NO, then their opinion doesn’t matter to me. 

On the other hand, what do I have to gain by speaking up—by raising my hand, by asking for what I want, by taking what’s mine? 

A LOT.  EVERYTHING. 

In a perfect world, it wouldn’t be a choice—a choice between taking what I want and someone thinking I’m bitchy or waiting around hoping someone hands it to me while everyone likes me. 

But here’s the thing. For ME if I have to choose, I’m not going to wait. 

I’m going to take it. 

Author’s Notes:

• I’m a huge fan of Serena Williams in general—the athlete she is, the person she is, the leader she is.  I’m sure there are countless articles, interviews you can Google if you want to be inspired by her, but I recommend listening to her Bumble ad (of all things, right?!). 

• Check out Michelle P. King’s ‘The Fix’ to learn more about workplace bias and her reference to the ‘1950’s prototype’ that still exists in the workplace today and how it impacts both women and men.