Five Simple Rules for [Networking]

Last week I shared a conversation I had had recently with a talented young woman.  If you read it, you’ll recall that she had reached out to me to talk about an upcoming sales conference and how she wanted to take advantage of it to advance her career.  She had come up with a ‘solid’ plan of attack—so solid I found myself wondering what she needed me for.  She explained that she wasn’t comfortable networking with the ‘higher ups’.  Ideally, she wanted to come up with some questions to pose—questions that would ensure she came across as intelligent and informed when she was speaking with them. 

Ah.

This is actually a topic that comes up a lot for me with both clients and friends. It’s not always ‘dressed as’ a networking event—in fact it presents in a host of different scenarios, most commonly meetings with senior executives and/or potential clients. Similar to my ‘protagonist’, often the initial goal of these conversations is to come up with compelling questions or zero in on specific research or preparation that will ensure a ‘good impression’ is made. Unfortunately, that gets complicated—because it then often entails predicting what the executives and/or potential clients would like to hear, what sparks their interests, what turns them off, what if you guess wrong—you get where I’m going with this.

In almost every case though, once I dig down into what’s really behind their concern or anxiety, I find that it’s centered around Power—and the idea that so often we act (or think we have to act) differently around those that we perceive have Power.

pow·er

The definition of Power is ‘the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events’.  I could talk all day about Power, but for now I’ll simply challenge the notion that only one person or group in a given situation has Power. Think about that.

In a networking scenario, isn’t Power what YOU are seeking to gain, build or use?  That is, typically you attend said event in order to build relationships that you plan to use or call upon later to guide a course of events in your favor—whether that be to further your career, make a sale, or gain support for an initiative you’re spearheading. 

That’s also what the executives and potential clients are there for.  For executives who have gone to the great expense of hosting an internal conference or event for example, they’re motivated by the opportunity to engage and motivate their employees—employees that they can call upon later to deliver even greater results!  Not only do they expect to interact with you, they’re hoping for it. 

So in the context of a sales conference, those that you perceive have the Power to influence events or outcomes that are important to YOU are also RELIANT on you to influence events and outcomes that are important to them—e.g. business results.  In other words, you both have Power. 

So back to my original conversation. You’ve probably guessed by now that I didn’t spend our time brainstorming compelling questions. That’s too complicated, and I’m frankly not good at predicting the likes and dislikes of people I’ve never met. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do your homework in preparation for an important meeting or networking event, but if the goal is to leave a good and lasting impression (and to use and accumulate Power) it’s really not about what you say—it’s about how you show up.

So for her and for anyone who is anxious about making a good impression at a [networking event, meeting with executive, client meeting]—relax.  Be yourself.  And keep in mind a few simple rules for ‘showing up’.  

Practice social etiquette.

When interacting with a senior leader, customer or anyone you perceive has more Power than you, simply practice social etiquette.  Be polite and engaging, as you would a friend or anyone you enjoy interacting with.  Don’t be concerned with how much Power they have because in that moment you are equals. 

Portray confidence.

Confidence is what most people interpret as intelligence in a social setting.  Yeah.  It’s not the brilliant questions you ask or your amazing wit, it’s the confidence you portray—which coincidentally also has an impact on the way people ‘feel’ when they interact with you. 

Be authentic. 

What questions should you pose to an executive or potential client in order to come across as intelligent and informed?  That’s easy.  Ask the questions you want to know the answers to.  When you’re authentic, people feel it and as American poet and civil rights activist, Maya Angelou said, ‘At the end of the day people won't remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.’  Make them feel like you’re interested in what they have to say by BEING interested. 

Don’t get sucked into someone else’s awkwardness.  Help them.

Have you ever been chatting with someone and the conversation falls off awkwardly?  Well, it’s not you.  When someone is acting awkward, it’s because that’s the way THEY are feeling.  It’s because THEY don’t know what to do or say in that particular moment.  Don’t internalize it, help them.  Be kind by suggesting the next course of action or conversation and acting as if you don’t notice the awkwardness—e.g. 'It was great to chat with you, I'm going to go grab a drink now and hope to see you later throughout the conference.'

If you’re not looking for permission or if it’s not necessary, don’t ask for it.

In the context of a networking event, ultimately the objective is to form valuable relationships—relationships that you can use to potentially advance your professional development, career, or a sale.  These events are great places to lay the groundwork—introduce yourself, discover topics of mutual interest and/or where you both have a professional stake.  You should absolutely follow up with those individuals afterward to thank them for their time, follow up on an open topic, let them know you enjoyed their conversation, and (recommend) tell them you would like to continue a dialogue. 

What I WOULDN’T do, is ask them for their permission to follow up.  First of all you don’t need it.  Best case scenario, they say ‘Sure, I’d love to hear from you.’  Worst case scenario, they say ‘No’—then what do you do?  So as a rule of thumb—don’t ask, just do it. 

The last thing I’ll say is what I started with—relax.  Don’t take yourself too seriously.  Enjoy the [event] and remember that this is the ‘beginning’ of a relationship and your use and accumulation of Power.  Don’t rush it, you’re playing the long game!